Are you my Boyfriend?
by Hatake Itachi
Summary: Gaara is not use to such emotions so when the boy finds his safety blanket he refuses to get another one and that means nothing but trouble for said blanket. Eventual KakashixGaara possible future NarutoxSasuke
1. Chapter 1

It's a team fic with Kotone on AFF. I'm a slow writer so alot of it is her wrting but I like to think people will see my added touch in here. Besides... Any Kakashi torture fic is a golden fic to me.

Yay Kakashi torture!

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Smoldering hot. That humid muggy sort of hot. As one born in the dessert land, just grains of sand baking in the sun heat was the daily forecast for the day, week, month, eternity. In the forest, where the lands were green with a chance of rainfall, it was uncomfortably hot. Gaara could feel bug juice and animal urine fermenting in his pores. Not that an animal had actually pissed on him - it was just the feeling of knowing that everything evaporated and was currently floating in the air around him. It was making his skin sweaty and his clothes stick to his form. He thought his sweat glands long since shriveled up and died. Even still, he refused to go back to Konoha and its crowded streets with a cluster of bodies making him claustrophobic. Which should be impossible when you're walking down a huge street.

Konoha was just too busy. With the chuunin exams taking place, the city was crawling with foreign shinobi. Kazekage-sama was required to be there. A thousand deaths to whoever made that rule. Gaara probably should have returned to his own rooms to bathe, but that brother of his was supposed to be there. Gaara did not like his bath time interrupted. His Kazekage robes lay abandoned on his bed in Konoha. Kazekage-sama himself was walking barefoot through the woods in search of a more private place to bathe. He was aware of Konoha's hot spring baths. There was hope of a more secluded source to the hot water. He wore his straw hat low to cover his face. It almost resembled the hat that puppeteer had worn. But this one was much cooler. Gaara had shed the clothing most would recognize him by, instead opting for loose khaki shorts and a white tank top. The gourd on his back was a little harder to hide.

He did not exactly know the area around him, but he did see old documented maps in the library for battle tactics in foreign lands. Gaara was almost sure there was a water pool in this area. On the map, though, he did not recall any landmarks of two squirrels procreating, or a tree that had the carving of 'I heart Sasuke' in it. The red head's fingers inched to cross that out, or add an additional 'in the ass' remark. He chalked that sort of immature thinking to Naruto's exuberant behavior and Kankuro's inappropriate comments being subtly ingrained into his brain. Sure enough, though, beyond the animals mating and the tree that now said 'I heart Sasuke Uzumaki,' he found a small lake.

Gaara came across the water he sought, finally. He frowned at the increased humidity of the area. Well, better than those enclosed bathhouses, at least. Gaara quickly stripped the clothing from his body. They were half soaked through with sweat. He was amazed at the level of his stupidity. He was beginning to think he could rival Naruto for that nickname the Uchiha boy had lovingly bestowed upon the blond. There was no way the Kazekage was going to put sweaty clothes back on. He tested the water with his toe once he was fully nude. A satisfied smile spread across his face. Perfect temperature. Gaara quickly eased his body into the water, not caring to test the depth first. The sheer ecstasy of getting a bath after three days travel, coupled with the open ceremony for the accursed exams, had Gaara temporarily forgetting his fear of deep water. In Suna, where a bathtub of water was a lot, lakes were like oceans, and when young ninja went elsewhere and saw large bodies of water for the first time, it was something to behold. The Kazekage had seen oceans before from afar but he had never been in one. Learning to water walk was one of the most frightening experiences of his life. Now, when he was up to his chin in water and his feet were not touching ground, he remembered. And there the great Kazekage-sama was, kicking and flailing, when the copy-cat ninja found him.

Kakashi's day was a whole lot less miserable. It was because of the chuunin exams that he had free time. A lot less missions occurred as many of the clients were at the event or getting ready for it. It was every jounin's break time who was not in the planning committee, and afterwards the new chuunin tended to get a vast amount of the work that came to their village. Leaving Kakashi free to do as he pleased. Of course, usually jounins with genin's under their care required them to spend a vast amount of time cultivating their students and preparing them for the future. Considering his two students taking said test to be Uchiha Sasuke, runaway returned, and Uzumaki Naruto, pupil trained by a sannin and Akatsuki slayer, Kakashi did not have to do a whole lot of prepping. He was present when they were told they would have to participate in the exams to reach the next rank and was thoroughly amused by their reactions. 'I killed like, everyone in Akatsuki!' the blond had yelled while Sasuke growled 'I killed a sannin.' Tsunade scoffed at them and told them to take the test or forever be gennins. Kakashi was sure she could make an exception and jump them to jounin rank like they deserved. She was probably bored and in need of amusement. Now the two boys were preparing to outdo each other rather than worried about the trial itself.

So there he was under a tree in a semi-secluded area by a lake. This one did not have a waterfall which many females frequented, so there were not men off hiding in bushes like voyeurs. Not that he would not mind seeing some naked female flesh, but they would come up to him and annoy him by talking. Mostly all the female populace tended to turn him off when they would proceed to use the same tactics to get in his pants. Acting like flirts who excused him of being perverted. The nerve!

Their coy attitude, telling him what a 'dirty man' he was when the whole time they could not keep their hands from touching his shoulder or grabbing an arm with that hungry look in their eye. Just once he would like a woman to come up to him and ask 'Wanna fuck?' Not that he did not desire a more seductive sort of approach but at least it would be honest. Women of today were so deceptive and it took everything he had to not call them a whore and walk away without a backwards glance. So instead, he was relaxing against a massive tree, under the cool shade, alone; just him and his book and his imagination. He wondered where Jiraiya encountered such women in his travels to inspire these heroines. He asked once and found the man would take something from every experience and use it to create the perfect woman. So even if women have their good points, he would still have a lot of crap to deal with.

How depressing.

Kakashi was about to emerge himself in his world of fantasy and pleasure when a figure emerged from slightly off his line of sight. Quickly, he turned his head and stayed where he sat so as not to alert the other that someone else was around. If there was someone here who should not be, he would need to take precautions. The instant of methodical thought went down the drain and out to sea when he realized it was none other than Gaara of the Sand standing before the spring in quite possibly the least amount of clothes the jounin ever saw him in.

He would tell himself later the reason why once he saw the other pulling his shirt off he did not want to interrupt the other's downtime, and was keeping an eye out for any other disturbances that may have been down somewhere near the boy's ass. Kakashi was still surprised the teen would think to do anything like this in a unfamiliar area with no escort. He chalked it up to the red head did it 'because he could'. The jounin had to admire the way not a visible scratch could be seen on his skin. At least not from here. The sand guard and armor protected him well it would seem.

Just like that, the teen walked into the water unabashed by his nudity, after all he was suppose to be alone, and settled deep into the pool. What shocked the leaf jounin (besides seeing that Gaara's hair down there was only a shade or two darker from his head) was that the boy did not notice he was mere yards from him. Was the boy so out of sorts he could not sense one ninja who was not really hiding? Kakashi did not hold that thought for long as he continued to watch Gaara in the water.

'Is this kid for real?' the jounin found himself wondering as he watched quite possibly the most powerful Kazekage now struggling not to drown.

If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he never would have believed it. The red head disappeared. Bubbles broke the surface of the water for at least a minute before disappearing. However much he would have liked to return to the book in his hand, if it was found out he had let Gaara drown, he most likely would be tortured slowly before being allowed to die. Sighing, he tucked his precious Icha Icha away, and made his way quickly to the pool of water. He shed his vest and shirt on the way, along with the belt containing ninja tools and books. Kakashi dove gracefully into the water. The pants still covering his legs slowed him down enough for Gaara to be well enough out of reach. The jounin quickly redoubled his efforts to reach the boy before he stopped breathing altogether. In reality, it did not take long for the grown man to reach the young Kazekage. However, with so much at stake, Kakashi being the only one around, and therefore the one to take the blame in the event of things too horrible to pause for, time seemed to be crawling at a snail's pace. He swam over to the now limp body and gathered it into his arms. He made a mental note to suggest the Kazekage go on a diet as he struggled back to the surface. One more reason why the jounin hated kids to be added to the list. The silver hair broke through the still sheet of water first. Red hair followed suit. Kakashi was heaving the other man onto the shore of the small lake in a matter of moments. Gaara was not breathing. Kakashi paced in front of the man. He just looked like he was sleeping. Kakashi would not put it past the kid to play a joke like that. Though, it was harsh to immediately peg the boy as another Naruto. Certainly one could not become Kazekage by playing jokes on people.

Then again, you would think the Kazekage would know how to swim as well, or at least not be dumb enough to swim in deep water not knowing how. When Gaara started to pale, a feat amazing in its own right, Kakashi realized this was no joke. And there definitely was no one around what had to be done. The jounin squatted next to Gaara and tilted his head back by his nose. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips against the cooler ones. He pushed the air into Gaara's lungs slowly. He repeated the motion twice more before pushing into the man's chest. Kakashi waited. Frowning when nothing happened, Kakashi took another deep breath and pressed his lips against Gaara's once more.

Gaara saw the bright light fading away. It was so warm and comforting, he really hated to see it go. He felt air being pushed into his lungs for him. Warm lips covered his own. Gaara coughed as he tilted his head back more. Water escaped his lungs as he rolled over onto his side and continued to cough. His vision was slightly blurred and his body was extremely heavy. Gaara focused on clearing his lungs and breathing on his own again. He was breathing heavily, but no longer coughing when the fabric descended on his shoulders. Only then did he realize he had been saved. Looking up, he saw Naruto's sensei standing over him, turned slightly to the side so as to not fully face him. Gaara frowned and tugged at the dark material on his body. Holding it out, he saw it to be a shirt. It dawned on him that he was naked. His cheeks were stained red.

"Thank you," he mumbled before pulling the black shirt over his head.

It was much too large. Which, fortunately, meant it covered all the essentials. Kakashi held out his hand.

"You should be more careful, Kazekage-sama."

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Gaara frowned as he adjusted the hat on his head. Oh, how he despised that hat. If there was not so much damn tradition behind it, ridding Sunagakure of that hat would have been his first order as Kazekage. Kankuro was checking his purple make-up in a mirror while Gaara adjusted his hat without much improvement. He was muttering to himself as he prepared for the chuunin exams to begin in the stadium. Gaara knew what was to come, having once been a chuunin candidate himself. The written test was long over. The survival section had progressed much differently from when he once participated. Gaara pulled the hat a little lower and let it be.

The only thing left was to oversee the final bout with Tsunade-sama. Kankuro was still fussing with the vile color on his cheeks. Gaara let his control over his chakra slip enough to warn all occupants, all two of them, of his darkening mood. Kankuro dropped the make-up as the feeling crashed over him and he stood up straight. Gaara was standing with his back to his brother, but the older man got the message. He rushed to open their door and lead the way out. A small troop of ANBU were waiting to escort the Kazekage to his place in the crowd. Tsunade refused to have the same situation repeat from when the last Kazekage had "attended" such exams. Gaara was enraged and insulted with the treatment in the first year. Now, he merely tolerated it because he was not given another choice. Gaara lifted his finger to his shoulder smoothly and the tiny insect obediently took it's place there. The frown had faded. The small insect obeyed the silent beckoning and came from behind him to rest on the outstretched digit. One ANBU stiffened momentarily before seeing the lack of malicious intent. Shino was much more careful about having his bugs follow someone after Naruto had once made a point to kill every bug he saw.

Gaara was taking his seat in mere moments. The female insect still perched on his shoulder. Gaara left her there and carefully folded his hands in his lap to wait patiently. Genma was in the middle of the designated arena for the finals to take place. The Kazekage relaxed a little at seeing two very familiar faces contorted in discomfort. Naruto was shifting from foot to foot anxiously, while Sasuke was facing away from the obnoxious blond. Genma announced the first match and two genin stepped forward. In seconds, after the monotonous rules were spoken, the signal was given and the fight began. Gaara was stifling his yawns in no time. For genins, they were of a decent skill level. However, for someone who had seen battle and death so early in life, the jutsus were childish.

Gaara instead boredly looked to those around him and amongst the stands. He caught sight of one ANBU who was assigned to guarding him. His vibrant green eyes were transfixed on the figure instantly. The color of his face deepen to pink within a short amount of time. That book was recognized easily. Gaara attempted to force his gaze back to the match with much reluctance. A winner was declared and the loser was limping off to the medical ward, supported by the champion. The eruption of the crowd was deafening. Still, Gaara could not tear his eyes away from the orange book for long. How the man could read behind such a mask was truly a mystery the red head found himself trying to figure out with his eyes. A cleared throat and a sharp nudge to the ribs later, Gaara ripped his attention from the ANBU. Kankuro gave him a meaningful look and pointed discreetly to the arena. Sasuke was facing a rookie. Interestingly enough, the rookie was not shaking quite as much as one would have thought. Maybe Naruto's cheers had something to do with it.

"Go, Konohamaru-chan! You can beat that dumb bastard!"

Tsunade clutched the arm rests of her chair like she might be suddenly launched herself into Naruto's skull if she let go.

"I doubt his balls have even dropped yet! Don't take no shit from that pretty boy loser! He showers with flower scented shampoo! His dick is the size of my pinky! Just make him break a nail and watch him cry!" Naruto's cheerleading was loud and obnoxious so that even high up on the platform the Kages up in the far left could hear it, including those in the crowd who were laughing themselves stupid. Konohamaru ground his teeth together and shed the scarf around his neck. Sasuke smirked at him dismissing the dumb blond for later.

"Are you sure you don't want to give up now, boy? None the less it will be a boring match for me, hazardous for you." he warned.

"Naruto-niisan taught me more than you think," the boy replied, flicking his nose with his thumb before pulling a kunai from its holder smoothly.

"Go," Genma said, almost as if he was bored with the exam already, probably was.

Konohamaru bum-rushed the Uchiha with the kunai ready. Sasuke chuckled to himself. He left his katana sheathed. No need to exert himself for this kid. Sasuke was ready to sidestep the boy when he felt a throwing star lodge itself into the back of his knee. He stumbled, Sharingan flickering in and out dangerously. Konohamaru grinned and closed in for his attack. The clone behind Sasuke leapt into the air, its own kunai ready to plunge down. Sasuke dropped fully to the ground, supporting himself with his hands. His leg swept out and caught the kid square behind his ankles. Konohamaru disappeared in a puff of smoke, a doll of Naruto sticking its tongue out replaced his form. Sasuke lifted his weight up on his hands to spin his feet in the air to properly disperse of the clone. The boy tried another attack from behind, rushing Sasuke in his predicted blind spot while the man was still on his hands. Sasuke shifted his weight onto one hand before tossing himself in the air to avoid the brat. While in the air, Sasuke righted himself and freed his leg from the blade lodged in his knee. Konohamaru was in his face with surprising speed. A fist connected with Sasuke's cheek with a triumphant cry. Sasuke grabbed the kid by his throat with a smirk. He tossed the figure in his hand like a rag doll toward the wall separating the crowd from the competitors. The throwing star was turned on its owner. The grandson of the Third Hokage was struggling to free himself when Sasuke landed smoothly on his feet in front of the boy, now half slumped on the ground in the awkward position, his katana drawn and pointed at the throat below the taller young man. The match was over in less then two minutes.

"Winner, Uchiha Sasuke," Genma declared.

Konohamaru's eyes were wide, mixed with shock and a tinge of fear, as he stared up the blade. Sasuke sheathed the blade swiftly before he slowly held out a hand. The whole time holding a devil may care smile.

"Not bad, brat," he complimented as much as the Uchiha would, and hauled the boy up, dislodging the throwing star embedded in the boy's shoulder with said child flinching with the pain.

"Baka! You were supposed to beat him!" Naruto yelled, vaulting the wall.

"Shut up," the Uchiha warned.

"He fights differently from you. Nastier, deadlier, overwhelming. He's much cooler than you, Naruto-niisan!" Konohamaru declared, rounding on the blond, who was standing close enough that he had to lean a little and suck in his stomach to avoid being poked with that finger of doom.

"Dummy, take that back! Never side with the enemy! He is so lame and weak I'll beat him with one hand tied behind my back!"

"No you couldn't, Boss-san! In fact I'd like to see you try!"

"I will! I'll show you what a pussy that jerk really is!" He yelled out crossing his arms in defiance.

"Naruto!" Konohamaru and Naruto both cringed at hearing the fifth Hokage scream at them from way up in the stands. Sasuke walked away slowly smiling in amusement.

"Get out of my arena or get disqualified! Shut up while you're at it, or I'll break both your arms and see how well you fight with your teeth!" The threat was made. Unbecoming of a Kage given the situation. Shizune buried her face in her arm hoping to hide from the disgrace while many onlookers found the bickering entirely amusing. A show within the show if you will. Gaara even saw Kakashi's form twitch once in a snort. The red head was much more in tune with the jounin's body than the blond's antics. In fact, he was not paying attention to the fights at all. This new fascination with the leaf jounin left him to wonder what made him so focused on the sliver-haired man to begin with. Turning his head to his brother, he minutely wondered if he should inquire.

Kankuro was obediently focused on the ninja games just as another match started up, and Gaara did not hesitate to get his brother's attention, discreetly placing his hand on the others pant leg and gave a tug. The man's eyes turned, and then his head after noticing Gaara was not hiding, he was looking right at him. Must not have been an alert or warning of any sort.

"Yes Kazekage-sama?" In the open space among the public Kankuro made a point to address the boy formally, no matter how much he knew the other detested it. Gaara grimaced but dismissed it instantly, a mere flicker of emotion.

"If you couldn't stop thinking about someone, looking at them, thinking about them what would you call that?" It sounded liked a interrogation, but Gaara's questions always sounded that way. Either bland and dismissive, or when he really wanted to know, like he was an inch of pouring lemon juice and smothering glass in a open wound. The fact that Gaara asked that question at all was what bothered and shocked the man most. His little brother had a crush?

"W-who?" He stuttered, speaking so low it was more of a movement of lips. The younger ninja looked annoyed but his facial expression did not change. Instead of answering he turned his head and stared off towards the ANBU in question. Kankuro followed his gaze.

"The girl with the huge rack?" Kankuro had a one track mind.

"Hatake." Curt, short, explained nothing. It had the sand jounin nin bugging his eyes from his sockets but Gaara continued.

"I've been thinking about him all day. He aided me earlier this morning but rather than focus on that I was more interested in what kind of person he is. Naruto has spoken of him, very little, but what I got was he is a 'confusing old bastard who is kind of cool and really kick ass and powerful.' Which is hardly helpful but he is noted as a possible next Hokage for Leaf." as Gaara spoke he continued to watch the jounin as Kankuro silently looked on; in his head he was crying out. 'Oh my god, no Gaara! Not you! Not gay! Why god, why!?' But he could no scream that out, not here. Especially never say that to his little brother because even if it was a man, it was a miracle to see the boy looking at anyone as a romantic partner. Kankuro had an investigation to be doing.

"Well Gaara that is just, ummm, admiration! Yes Hatake is ah, sort of like someone you look up to. Like a hero-type, maybe..."

"I see. How about when I saw him half naked and wet, my heart rate fluctuate and stomach clenched as I felt my face rise with heat. Is that normal?" The Kazekage had an amount of innocent expression when he asked that. Absolutely no other intent then the pursuit of knowledge, and he had no one to turn too than his older brother to find out the answers to one of life's common questions. For a child of eight. It was sad that at sixteen years old Gaara was now finally hitting puberty. What was worse was that it was him who had to tell him. For a brief moment he wondered if his baby brother even knew what sex was. Thinking about Gaara and sex and Kakashi was daunting. He felt queasy all of a sudden.

"That's… ummm… usually something... these things sometimes happen with people who... like someone, yeah." Kankuro was hesitant, and Gaara was frowning more than usual. His older brothers explanation was vague at best. He should think to ask someone else. Maybe Naruto, but the blond seemed less reliable. Perhaps he should address Kakashi himself. He read porn and was older, and unlike his brother, experienced. Thinking he could get no more from the other man he dropped the issue. The chuunin exams were taking place and he should at least look like he was watching. It in fact directly affected him and his village to know all the talent he had under him. He thought this, but his green eyes wandered to the figure still immersed in his book even when the next battle started.

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She's already started the next chapter. What a demon...


	2. Ur nu gud

Yo Kotone writes most of the story, I'm just a support character like the one that dies in actions movies and you never know my name. In any case I noticed three stories later maybe I pick on Kakashi alot. Like maybe too much...

Did anyone else notice that? And its always a crazy boyfriend he doesn't want but gets stuck with anyway.

I need to come up with a new idea...

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

That infernal old woman had, somewhere, gotten the idea that he should lead the small group of ANBU once more to protect the kid, the child Kazekage. His book was finally getting good, too. How was he supposed to read his smut in a crowd full of people? Yes, he could read no matter where he was, but when things started getting a little steamy, he was quick to find a private place. He could hardly slip off with the Godaime watching him. So he had to make a decision. He could always put the book away. But, he could also keep reading. Never mind that his pants were already a tad uncomfortable…. Kakashi shifted subtly. He was almost positive the embarrassment would be worth it. These exams were always so boring. Maybe if Naruto and Sasuke had fought he would have paid attention. As things stood, the jounin was still pressing forward in his readings. He smirked under the mask where no one could see. It was definitely going to be too good to put down. He would just have to be uncomfortable.

He was too engrossed in the writings of an old pervert to notice the aura around the brothers from Suna. He was blissfully ignorant of their conversation. He shifted once more, not as subtly this time. He heard a grunted warning b ehind him and ignored it. Kakashi had never cared about reading in public before, so reason told him he should not start now. The jounin was content with continuing his story until he felt a prickle of someone staring intently at him. It was an icy feeling that became too much to ignore so he lowered his book and jerked slightly when the eyes of his assailant stared him from a mere several inches away.

Two aquatic green eyes bore into his, and it sent a strange shiver down his spine. The figure, several inches shorter than himself, was a mere breath away from him. The close proximity unnerving as the jounin should have noticed the approach long before it was near enough to touch him. His pride did not take too great of a hit though, his assailant was a Kage. None-the-less it was still shameful of him to miss the other's presence and be bothered by it. It was not so much the fact that the other was right under his nose that bugged him so, but rather the look in those uniquely green colored orbs that sent alarms off in his head.

He was not going to like this.

"What is required of me Kazekage-sama?" He was in mission mode, thus required to give the other his full attention. He even put his book down, but not away. Not unless he had too.

"When I look at you, Hatake, I get light headed and my skin prickles with heat. Why is that? Will you explain it to me?" Simple, stra ight-forward, dead panned. The jounin was dumb-struck.

Minutes rolled by and the red-head did not hear or read any sort of sign that the man was even alive behind the ANBU mask. The captain had not even twitched or anything for nearly three minutes. Gaara was a patient person capable of going days without moving, and if he had to stand here for the next few hours waiting for a reply he would, but it was rather annoying that the man had yet to answer his simple question. Or maybe he calculated wrong and the leaf ninja was not as informed as he thought.

"You have the necessary experience to answer this correctly do you not?" The boy frowned, a very slight tilt curling down his lips. It snapped Kakashi's mind back from the state of limbo it had been in.

"Kazakage-sama could you repeat the question again please?" Because he was certain he did not hear it right the first time. It had to be because the crowd was too loud tricking his ears into hearing something else. Or, he was caught off guard from reading his book and his head still had not left his fantasy world. It could be nothing else, because that something else made little sense.

"I ask that you explain to me, in detail, of why I get a intense need to stare at you only to have my blood warm and my cheeks flush even though I am doing nothing that is the least bit exerting, only to know my folly but continue to do it none-the-less." He was more terse and detailed when he said it again though noticeably annoyed the older man did not answered him well enough the first time.

Kakashi was no less able to able to answer that the second time around.

Before, his brain had shut down unable to comprehend what he really heard coming from the lips of a boy, a sand ninja, a Kage, his students friend, a boy, the sand kage, someone half his age. His mind went on a tangent from which there was no return repeating the words over and over again in his head as he dropped his precious book to the cement floor. This was bad, very bad. Because what he was sure of was that, at that instant, a Kage of his nations ally was currently coming onto him. Said person expectantly awaited his reply.

It had not been the first time he had been propositioned by an important figure. It was not as if he had any sort of repulsion in agreeing to said proposition if it was necessary to his nation's gain and continued business. It was not as if he always said no, but whether he felt he had to or wanted to. This was, however, a unique case in itself. This was a boy half his age, as his brain could not let go of. It was a Kage, an ally, someone who could break the oath of friendship at his refusal if rejected on a whim if he wished. Unlikely, but still a small possibility. Also a small yet nagging part in his head had him itching to say no even though he was not directly asked to do anything yet and had him wanting to quell any possible scenario to come between them because this was Naruto's friend. He knew the blond teen had cared for him deeply and would likely, just as both the Hokage and all of Suna would do, kick his ass if found out he had touched the other boy in anyway. The jounin, in a word, was fucked.

All without doing a thing.

"Ka-Kazekage-sa-"

"Gaara." The red-head corrected quickly. Slitting his eyes a inch, the leaf jounin knowing that the red head would not tolerate it if his outward command was not exacted. Kakashi gulped before trying again.

"Ga-Ga-Gaa-ra." He stumbled over the word sounding too intimate and dirty in that moment. "May I ask why you are speaking of this to me directly?"

"My brother was less than helpful in telling me why exactly such emotions were rising in me. You seemed like the best candidate on the matter. Older, worldly, wise to many things. Was I wrong in my assessment?"

Two curious green orbs stared up at him with an almost innocence and nativity. It was right in saying the teen was naïve, but there was little innocent about Gaara. Except maybe this.

Oh dear god, was the Kazekage a virgin? Most likely. A clueless one at that.

Oh god, if he told him what would the red-head do? Wh at would the others do to him if he told him? If he lied to the teen, what would the other do if he found out he had lied in the first place? Anyway Kakashi looked at it, he was so screwed.

"You really shouldn't think much of it these things, it happens to people all the time. It's just troublesome to most for a while then it goes away." Score him on being honest yet vague enough to not say anything direct.

"What about for the people that keep it? Is it some sort of sickness?"

Damn curious mind!

"Well um, it is a type of sickness. A psychological one. You can normally function perfectly well on it and live your entire life with almost no effects typically."

"I see. How does one catch this disease in the first place?"

"It just comes up out of nowhere sometimes when around someone. Sometimes, it's someone you know, sometimes it's not. Just a trifle that is unimportant and best left alone in many cases." 'Like now! Leave me alone!'

"For the people that contract such an emotion dysfunction, how do you cure it? What if it never goes away?"

'Damn, crap, shit, damn, crap, mother fucking shit!'

"It can effect your psychological state of being. You adapt. You move on. It's completely harmless. You have little to worry about."

"You say I have nothing to worry about, but I have this insane need to wrap my arms around you right now and it's getting on my nerves. So if there is some way to clear up this ailment, I order you to tell me." Gaara crossed his arms as he glared up at the older man and, once again, Kakashi was completely stuck on how to respond to the other's statement.

How little did the boy know about this?! Did the child really not know anything about love and crushes?! What about the birds and the bees? If he did not know what feelings of affection were then he most probably did not know what sex was which also meant...

He did not know about gay man sex and anal!

'Oh dear lord I attracted a dense one.' Scary, odd, yet strangely arousing.

'Now isn't the time to think such things!' Not over this person. Not Gaara of the Sand. Current Kage and for the foreseeable future to come.

It was in that moment a thought struck that he had not realized before. Due to an understandable overload on what he just heard, the young teen did say he had asked his brother about his crush on another man. Undoubtedly said boy did not censor himself. He most likely did not use discretion. Turning his head the silver hair man looked to the upper stand from the area the other vacated to see Kankuro staring down at them. His eyes, even from the distance, having a distinct ive heinous gleam in them catching the ANBU captain's gaze and conveying without words. 'You hurt him, you die. You touch him, you die. You do anything, you die!'

Turing back around to face his other doom, Kakashi felt terribly and utterly depressed then. There was not a way out of this. He was well and truly stuck. Why did god hate him so? Why him?

"I can't tell you how to fix it. The cure is not something you and I should do together." 'Please leave it at that, please.'

"Why is that?" Kakashi dropped his head ever so much and sighed. 'Fucking hell.'

"It's not appropriate for two highly different people and I'm not a suitable match for you."

"Well, could you tell me what it is so I can find someone else to help me?"

"No!" Kakashi was fast to dismiss the teen's explanation, yelling at the boy in his haste. Several ninja nearby were on standby ready to jump at a moments notice from either party. The silver hair man flushed at his outburst, and wished he could dig a hole to bury himself him, curl up and spend his remaining life reading nothing but his book. Damn the world, damn this young boy who was making his life hell at the moment, damn that he would have to answer lest the child get it in his head to run off and ask another much less suitable person to ask.

"This is not something you sho uld just jump to another and do. It's... special. Something for… for two people who are deeply in love to share. Okay?" A moment's pause as the information sunk in and Gaara's head tilted down as though those words weighed his head down causing him to droop with the weight.

"So... what you are saying... is... this is love?"

Kakashi did not know what to say. The red-haired teen was staring up at him with the most adorable face he had ever seen. The jounin was starting to question his manliness and status as a shinobi. Surely, the heat was getting to him. Of course. That outfit was always a little too warm. And a little too tight. Because in his right state of thinking, he would have never have assigned the word adorable to anything. He was actually quite shocked the word was in his vocabulary. Gaara pouted ever so slightly as he looked up through his shaggy bangs. Kakashi's eyebrow twitched.

"Well? Is it?" The young Kazekage demanded.

"N-no. I mean, most likely not. It is…. complicated. Love can be felt for many different reasons, Kaze-- Gaara. One can feel love for one's friends or even family. To say that you love a person from only a glance is just… well, I almost want to say a little foolish."

When the boy's features darkened, Kakashi said a silent prayer and farewell to the earth he stood on. No doubt he would be taking his final breath within moments. He watched as Gaara frowned and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. The childish motion completely snapped Kakashi into reality. Gaara was still very much a child. He was not ready for love. He was not ready for sex. He was not even ready for possibilities of either. The man almost reached out to touch the child's shoulder.

"I'm not sure I understand fully. This is a very strange feeling. I'm not entirely sure it isn't foolish. Why should I be feeling like this anyways. Did I contract this 'disease' upon entering this land? Maybe I should just return to my country."

Yes! Kakashi could have jumped for joy. Yes, having the infuriatingly cute Kazekage safely back in Suna would be best for everyone. His eyes curled up in a smile.

"Perhaps. That happens a lot of times to people. You must just be attracted to something about this land. Maybe the humid heat has clouded your judgment slightly."

Gaara shook his head violently. He crossed his arms, raising his eyes heavenward. He smiled a little, his lips turning up at the corners and giving the boy a positively evil look.

"No. That can't be it. But I will try returning to my homeland after the exams. Thank you very kindly for your input, Kakashi-san."

Th e Kazekage nodded his head in the direction if the current ANBU captain while dismissing himself. Kakashi was too stunned to react. He watched the teen return to his place beside his elder brother. Kankuro shot the much older man another warning glare before turning to Gaara. Kakashi's body was numb. It was all too much for one day. He had somehow escaped what he had presumed to be the inevitable. He could only count his blessings for the time being. Kakashi resumed his observations of the chuunin exams. Genma was declaring another winner. The remaining fights were anticipated on being short. The selection of genins that year had been impressive, each having techniques that only allowed battle to press on for a few minutes at best. Naruto's name was called and he stepped forward with a wide grin. He flicked the tip of his nose cockily while the genin in front of him rolled her eyes and braced herself for the fight.

"Go," Genma commanded.

Naruto waited for the girl to rush at him. Her kunais were pulled and positioned at her side as she ran at full speed. Her face was set with a serious expression. Naruto's eyes twinkled mischievously. He waited until the last moment to side step her and grab her arm to flip her onto her back. He disappeared in a flash of speed and was standing where she had started at before anyone without a Kekkei Genkai could even make sense of what the boy had done. She blinked a few times, confused as to why she was staring at the sky. Naruto laughed a little too loudly.

"Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you!" He called over to her, waving one hand in the air.

"Wha-what the hell?" She muttered, pulling herself up quickly and turning around to face the older teen.

"Sorry, sorry! I'll stay still this time."

"Whatever! If you don't get serious, I'll defeat you! You're the number one idiot ninja, right?"

"I'll be Hokage one day!"

Naruto frowned for a moment. The girl smiled and shook her head before forming seals with her hands, kunai still in her grip. Clones erupted around her. The clones rushed Naruto with a ferocity. The blonde chuckled and subtly threw shuriken into them, dispersing them neatly. The girl was only halfway to him, and faltered.

"I'll show you the best way to use those. Kage Bushin no Jutsu!"

Another Naruto appeared beside the original. With the grin on his face, those who knew him best groaned in anticipation.

"Oiroke: Otoko ko Doushi no Justu!"

His clone took the form of Sasuke, very naked and surrounded by smoke. Naruto himself took on the form of Kakashi holding the younger shinobi. The girl keeled over wi th a nosebleed, unconscious. Yells of various kinds echoed through the stands. Genma stepped in and dispersed the jutsu with a few well placed shuriken.

"I should disqualify you for using such a jutsu. But the rules state anything goes," he goes. "Winner, Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Naruto!" the Godaime's voice echoed above all else.

The blonde flinched and looked in the direction of the furious woman. An angry aura surrounded her. She had her hands on the armrest of her chair, the wood splintering beneath her grip. Shizune was begging the woman to calm down. Naruto thought it best to flee. He looked around and his eyes locked on Sasuke's figure. The aura surrounding the boy he had used in his illusion was bigger than the Hokage's. Naruto swallowed hard. He had not really thought about the after effects of such an illusion. He knew he would have to face someone's wrath. He decided on Sasuke's, at least he could hit the Uchiha back. He ran and vaulted over the low wall, landing in a low crouch.

"Boss-san!" Konohamaru ran up excitedly. "You used my jutsu!"

"Y-yeah," Naruto laughed with a twinge of nervousness in his voice.

"Who gave you permission to use me in your sick gay fantasies, dobe?" the seething teen next to and above him asked.

"Whatever, I won with it. That's all that matters."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's jacket collar and hauled him to his feet. Konohamaru backed away carefully. The Uchiha's Sharingan spun madly. The unspoken threat of what was to come was clear.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" Tsunade bellowed, pushing her way through the crowds.

Naruto groaned and slipped out of his jacket. He started running through the stands, leaping over people versus pushing past them. The woman raged behind him, Sasuke following calmly in her wake. No one but the ANBU guarding him seemed to notice the Kazekage sweeping out from his own exit to intercept the boy who dared to put another next to Kakashi. The ANBU squad followed as Gaara pushed through the doors guarding the Kages' protected viewing area. He tossed the hat he so hated aside and tore his robes off. Someone would collect them later. Gaara wanted to face his former friend as himself. He cursed under his breath upon the realization that he had left his gourd back in his rooms.

Naruto had broken free of the crowds and found a small clearing outside of the arena to catch his breath. He felt a chill spread down his spine. He was not sure which deadly aura caused the sensation. The people after him appeared to have spread out and sought different routes. He bent over and leaned his hands heavily on his knees to calm his breath and focus his vision once more. Sandaled feet came into his view and he followed them up to identify the person who caught him first. He grinned widely at seeing Gaara, the Suna shinobi's arms crossed with the same pissed off look on his face that he had worn when he first met the hyperactive ninja currently being hunted by Konoha's finest.

"Gaara! Hey, man you gotta--"

The other teen pulled his fist back and slammed it into the blonde's jaw to cut off his speech. Naruto stumbled and fell onto the ground. He looked up, stunned at the attack.

"Kakashi-san would never do that. How could you have him with the Uchiha boy?" He demanded with cold ferocity..

"Wh-wha? I-I… Gaara, it was just a jutsu to throw her off! I didn't expect it to work so well. Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-teme are just the most eligible bachelors in Konoha!"

Gaara's rage was growing much more quickly than the Hokage's and the boy used in the jutsu. Naruto wondered why the Kazekage would be so… so jealous. Wait, jealous? Naruto shook his head. No, that couldn't be it. He was just homophobic. Yeah, that had to be it!

"Ga-Gaara…."

"There's no excuse. If you had to put Kakashi with anyone, why couldn't it have been me?"

The boy's cheeks were tinted red at his own forward outburst. Kakashi nearly fell from the tree he was perched in. He heard the sporadic snickers of his team. He was grateful for both masks hiding his flushed face. Naruto, below him, was still on the ground sputtering over his words. Gaara stood tall and calm, just with the cutest blush ever seen on the planet.

"I… I just…. I mean….. It was just a jutsu! And…. And its not like they'd…. ya know, be together! Eww, Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke?! N-no, I was just…. Trying to get a reaction!"

"It was amusing, Uzumaki, but I'll warn you now. If you ever pull that stunt again, and put Kakashi with anyone else, I won't hesitate to kill you."

Naruto's eyes widened. Gaara was definitely jealous. And he was quite positive he did not like a jealous Gaara. He shuddered at the threat and watched Gaara look around calmly, assessing where his ANBU guard was. He gave Naruto one last meaningful glare and turned to walk away. The ANBU followed him. Kakashi wanted so badly to beat the stupid blonde into the ground. Things had been bad enough. There was no way the boy would leave him alone now.

The Kazekage took his time in walking away. He had been hoping to see what would happen when the others got a hold of him. He heard a soft thud and glanced back over to see Sasuke crouched in front of the teen he had just threatened, one leg a little more out to his side than the other, his hand ready on the halfway unsheathed katana.

"What was that dobe? No excuses either. That was sick. Putting me in a situation like that with Kakashi-sensei?"

"T-teme. It was the only thing I could think of last minute. I got the reaction I needed. Plus, you should be thanking me for making you look so hot!"

Gaara snickered, having stopped and turned to watch the predicted fight unfolded. The boy was right, the display had been quite psyhically stimulating. Sasuke growled low in his throat and stood up straight. Naruto picked himself up as well and brushed the dirt off his clothes. He raised a fist.

"Wanna have a shot at me, Sasuke? Haven't I kicked your ass enough in training?"

"Whatever. You couldn't defeat me."

"I could! I could do it with only my right hand!" the Uzumaki exclaimed, placing his left hand behind his back to prove his point.

"Is this really worth fighting over?" Sasuke chuckled coolly.

"M-maybe! You're getting angry about something stupid! I figure I should beat some sense into you. It's like Genma said, anything goes!"

"Alright. If you want everyone to see you get your ass kicked, fine by me. So, you'll only use your right hand huh?"

Naruto smirked and nodded. He had failed to notice the other people now gathered around them. Tsunade was itching to get her hands around the neck belonging to the one who dared make a mockery of her chuunin exams. Naruto took his hitai-ate off and wrapped it around his waist, pinning his left hand down and turning to Sasuke.

"Tie it!" he proclaimed after hearing no movement.

The Uchiha obliged the boy's whim and stepped forward to tie. The blonde was grinning wildly and he spun around to take his stance. Sasuke took out his katana and readied himself. Naruto frowned, but kept whatever thoughts he had to himself. He pulled out his own kunai and made the first move. The battle was much more intense than those that had been witnessed just earlier. Sasuke blocked and parried the brash attacks. Naruto was quick on his feet and dodged the slicing katana. The raven used his signature fire jutsu as a cover to set up for his Chidori. Naruto launched himself in the air to stall while he formed his own Rasengan to counter. Tsunade cried out something that was lost in the crackling of heavy amounts of chakra filling the air as Naruto landed neatly on the ground while working to build his technique into its perfected form. Luckily for him, Sasuke attacked with his lightning encased hand just as he finished. He launched himself at his opponent to clash the two swirling balls of death at each other and eat away at the ground below them with the force. Sasuke grabbed Naruto by his throat in the midst of the two jutsus. Naruto coughed a struggled, releasing Rasengan early.

He twisted around and Chidori only managed to graze his right side slightly. It still hurt like hell. Sasuke smirked as he let his powerful attack fade away and he pulled out his katana once more. In a panic, Naruto ripped his left arm free and lashed out, his fist connecting sharply with the Uchiha's stomach. The older teen dropped to his feet and doubled over. Naruto unleashed his taijutsu style and delivered a well placed kick to the other's torso. Sasuke took a step back before falling onto his knees. He gasped briefly to fill his lungs with air, and looked up to find his own katana in his face. Naruto beamed brightly.

"I win!"

"No, you don't baka."

"H-how so?! You're the one on the ground!"

"You used your left hand," Sasuke said as he panted heavily.

He smirked. Naruto let out a loud cry and dropped the sword to lunge once more at his rival. Something caught him first and he fell against a broad chest. Looking up he saw his former sensei Yamato smiling down at him.

"You're both idiots. Report to the Hokage's tower at once."

The look on both boys' faces was priceless. Gaara almost doubled over in silent laughter. The blonde had gotten what he had deserved for defiling Kakashi's form.

Tsunade was fuming as she paced her office. Gaara was once more garbed in his Kazekage's robes. The chuunin exams had been brought to a close. Before posting the list of new chuunins, she had wanted to speak to the two idiots who had ruined her day. Maybe even her life!

"Sasuke, you will be allowed to advance to chuunin," she started.

The Uchiha bowed respectfully and thanked her. Naruto stuck his tongue out at his teammate.

"You, Naruto, will not."

"WHAT?! Why not?!"

"That display of yours was hardly acceptable! The point is to show that you are ready to take leadership. You were to show restraint given your age and position, but show us why we should let you become a chuunin. Yes, we know what you are capable, but you did not show us when it mattered. I can hardly allowed someone with such… such perverted techniques advance!"

"Ero-sannin would have let me," Naruto muttered beneath a pout.

Tsunade softened a little at the mention of Jiraiya. The pain in those blue eyes never ceased to make her falter. She knew he was aware of this fact, and therefore would not let it work this time.

"He was not Hokage. He would not have had a say in this regardless. You can take next year's exam. I hope you've learned something from this. And as for the outrageous fight out there, you will both be banned from partaking of any mission for a month."

Each outburst was different, but in all essence, the same. Each teen pleading their case simultaneously as to why they should be allow to go on mission. Only the newly appointed chuunin had any real argument, but every word from them both fell on deaf ears. She dismissed them with a sharp wave of her hand. Kakashi raised his hand under the ANBU mask to bite his finger. Laughter was inappropriate.

"Hokage-sama," Gaara spoke up.

"Yes?"

"Can we discuss the terms of me returning home?"

"Of course. When would you like to leave? I will have an escort assembled to see you home safely."

"Thank you," Gaara smiled. "I would like to leave tomorrow. I would also like to be very discreet about it. I would like to leave before dawn, and I would only require one person to escort me home. I also hope you will allow him to stay as an envoy for Konoha."

Tsunade rose an eyebrow in curiosity. She nodded that she was listening. The boy was very calm in his words. He seemed to have placed a lot of thought and planning into this. She had to admit, the whole thing sounded rather genius. What better time to attack the traveling Kazekage than on his return trip. And with only his own brother and one escort going with him, he could move more easily back to Suna. An envoy to Suna would ensure better trade and political involvement with the powerful country. She vaguely wondered how such a young child could be thinking so well for the future of his country. She shrugged at her own thoughts. He had not been appointed Kazekage at fifteen for nothing.

"And you have someone in mind or would you like me to assign someone."

"I would like Hatake Kakashi to come with me."

Tsunade's eyes widened. Naruto snickered loudly enough to earn himself a shooting glare from Yamato to silence him. The Godaime shook her head fiercely.

"No. That is one request I cannot honor."

"Why not?" Gaara demanded with a frown.

"Kakashi is someone we cannot afford to have away from the village to too long at a time. He executes his missions precisely in a timely manner, so we'r e never without his protection. I'm sorry, but with a ninja as precious to us as him, I cannot honor that request."

"Well, I want him to be the one to take me home. I am most secure with him."

"He has a point," Sasuke spoke up calmly, unafraid of the woman's wrath. If nothing else, he was the last Uchiha, and his precious Sharingan was too much to lose to have the Hokage kill him.

"No. That's my final word on that. Take Naruto, or even Sasuke!"

"I do not care for the Uchiha nor his careless attitude. Also, I do not wish to have a brash, crude, excitable boy giving away my position, or saving every small animal and civilian in danger along the route. I'd better off with an ANBU squad versus him."

Naruto huffed indignantly. He crossed his arms, stuck out his tongue, and turned away from his "friend." He knew the teen to be right, but he would never admit to it. He would be too excited and have too much he deemed worthy of discussion to just protect from the shadows. Although, a break from the stuck up bastard would have been nice. He was never going to hear the end of not being chuunin. And on top of it all, no missions?! They may as well have stabbed him the heart. It would have been less painful.

"Gaara, you can pick anyone, other than20Kakashi, you'd like to take you home. I'm sorry but Kakashi is just too valuable to Konoha for me to send him off to another country for god knows how long."

"I understand. I shall stay here until I find a suitable replacement, or until you change your mind."

Tsunade nearly fainted. Naruto jumped in the air and punched up towards the ceiling, yelling out his excitement. Sasuke groaned, whether from the childish behavior of his teammate or the prospect of the red head staying around longer, no one could be quite sure. Yamato chuckled at the discomfort on the Uchiha's face. He was always up to seeing something new and amusing.

Kakashi's shoulders slumped from his position in the corner. He was not happy with being treated as a thing, but was truly grateful to Tsunade for not pawning him off on the kid. After the uncomfortable questions the teen had asked earlier, he would have done anything to stay in Konoha. He already found his position of jounin over his team frustrating enough, especially with a certain blonde a part of said team. He was not a baby sitter! He was amazed so many people wanted that "honor," watching over some brats until they were deemed capable enough to handle themselves. And thanks to Naruto's brilliance during the exams, his job was extended another year. At least when it was over, he could look forward to failing all those who took future gen in tests again. He would not make the same mistake twice.

"Do you think it wise to leave your country without its Kazekage for so long?"

"Would you be so unconfident in your ninja that you believe no one is capable in replacing Hatake?" Tsunade sent her attack out, but Gaara was fast to expel it. This was a word battle now and what they choose now carried the weight of two shinobi villages. It could not be. 'I want Kakashi to come because I love him' or 'You can't have him because we need him and want you gone this minute.' They would have to outwit the other and finalize their words carefully.

"Perhaps you feel better if we call in some of your guard to come escort you home. It should take a few days though." She was not happy about the wait but surely he could not dismiss that.

Gaara crinkled his non-existent brow in thought. Three days… he could study this new phenomenon and perhaps convince this old woman in giving away her most prize ninja. He had been successful in harder missions than that. Like coming back from the dead.

"Very well then, you may do just that. If you'll excuse my leave." Turning to retreat, the boy had glanced over to the two young men, one grinning in high spirits, the other silently seething. But, it was when he looked to the two veteran ninja in the corner that he smiled, just a hint of one, his mind already planning out various means to complete the new task. Kakashi was sweating almost visibly where he stood, fearful of what that look meant for his future. Yamato hid his laugh and buried it down to be released elsewhere when they were no longer meant to retain professionalism.

The boys at the bar just had to hear this one.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hatake Itachi took a nose dive into bad health but her loss is no ones gain! I just felt like leaving a silly author's note for the world to see.

Maybe I should make Kakashi lose his pants next chapter. No reason. I just like my Kakashi without pants.

Lets add in Sai next chapter too for kicks! I never use him...


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